peace

At the end of the day, everything is perfect, and I know this.  It's amazing how I get myself in brain scrambles so frequently.  The rhythm of life is immediate.  At the end of the day, I'm living in SF, and I have an art studio on Market st, and a computer where I can make music, design & video.  What is there really to stress and stress and stress about?  Better to just stay in the moment & make sure I actually really appreciate my situation, caz it can be ripped away any moment.

But what is bad, really, if my consciousness is good?  I think that's the secret...I'm "me" anywhere I go, whatever I do.  Insecurities aside, what ever I am about & whatever I radiate will shine no matter where I'm "working" or where I'm "living" etc etc etc.  My essence is always there, and if I'm happy with the essence I'm projecting than I always win!  Pretty nice, comforting.

For me, there are 3 mandatory practices to follow everyday for optimum satisfaction.  The first is a schedule...a tightly outlined daily routine split into tasks, communications, and projects categories.  I have a bigger calendar for year round events, and a smaller one I keep inside my back pocket at all times.

Second is my meditation practice.  At least 2 focused hours everyday.

Third is the spiritual experience.  Making sure all through the day I am actually EXPERIENCING the prescence and grace of God...and not totally living like a slave, listening to my mind and regretting what I don't have "now" and "need" in the future.  Seasons change, it will always be ok.

feels so good to write...

Departure & Arrival

Whewww.  It's been quite a while since I've written a journal entry, and even longer since I've written a blog post.  My need to write is clear, the book "The Artist's Way" was very influential, and stressed writing for a half hour a day, as a method of uncovering feelings and realizations that are dwelling below the surface of practicality.  In addition, a consistent blog acts as an archive...a way to keep myself accountable for my time and motivated towards consistent production.

I have to say that the support I've gotten from the facebook art page has been major...at the end of the day, my lack of art-making comes straight down to fear...mostly the fear of wasting time...that none of the art that I'm doing is that significant or genuine, more like wallpaper or decoration.  I fear that I'm just adding more noise and novelty and entertainment and giving people more cause to be distracted from what's truly valuable.

The Departure.  The other day at Yerba Buena park (magnificent) sitting on the grass, in the sun, I realized that focusing my livelihood on selling products does not sit well with me.  Sure, art art valuable blaa blalblalblablala.
My mind has revolved so many times, the bearings are about to wear out & release my brain through my ears and nose.  At the end of the day, it's clear that relying on painting sales for survival is a poor direction, because my work will definitely be influenced by it, if only subconsciously.

In connection with the subconscious is the path of psychology, and more significantly, therapy.  I've realized that I want my work (life) to be service, and I cannot sell products and engage in a capitalistic market.  It's been an agonizing few years.  Painting, video, motion graphics, web design, illustration, sound design bla bla bla bla, just spinning around, spinning around, rejecting one medium for another, not realizing that my art could actually serve a much deeper, rewarding purpose.

Beyond my lifelong stubborn refusal to spend two years at a junior college taking classes that aren't "relevant" to my life, is the reality that selfish relevance is no longer relevant.  As the value of pure servitude increases, the approach towards meaningful work, the value of "any means necessary" in connection to a goal increases.

The Arrival. I'm going back to school this fall, and I'm going to become a high school or college art teacher in 4-6 years.  Another possible direction is art therapy/child psychology, but I still have two years before that decision needs to be made.  I'm ready to get at least a BA if not a Masters, and finally have the means to not only provide the most noble service to humanity, but actually have the resources to live without stress.

My relief is palpable.  The thought of connecting with kids, providing encouragement and guidance is exhilarating and extremely cathartic.  The opportunity to provide therapy and mentoring through art is another reason that this path has emerged victorious.

So what about art?  Well, the thing is, it doesn't matter so much anymore.  I don't need to get "good" at it so I can "sell" it.  I don't have to "market a product," which is insanely relieving.  The answer is, i just don't know.  I think it's important to do a little something every day, just in terms of consistency, but it's fantastic not to have any pressure in connection with art.  I'm looking forward to the day that I can have a big show and not care (or need) any of my art to sell.  I feel that with the completion of the skunk train mural & the Beachcomber mural, I've made a significant impact as an "artist" and have completed my initial goal.  Now it is time to move on, to dig deeper & become a servant.

This is the purity.

7 Legends

I called D*Structure (an urban clothing store in Lower Haight) a few days ago, randomly inquiring if I could come down and show them some paintings for a potential show.  Turns out they needed some smaller pieces right away for the current show they were putting on, and this is what I came up with. 7 legends, 7 of my favorite hip hop artists.  I can't say that I always love the lyrics they come up with, but as far as style goes, and consistency of the flow and the beat, they usually come out with material that I like.  Some more than others, as with any art form.

New directions.  As much as I love painting, I would have to say (and most people agree) that my real talent comes with spontaneity and speed through the line.  The current work that I'm doing is really just coloring-in the beautiful charcoal drawings that I've laid as the foundation, which is always a sad thing for me to do.

I've been thinking a lot about the direction of my visual art, and the theme that always bubbles to the surface is speed & spontaneity.  Something to think about.  Another thing that is true, however, is that the more I develop the "rendering" style of painting, the better I will get with it, and eventually I can have a fresher, more spontaneous style.  That should be considered as well.

As always, no worries.  It's a process, an uncovering experience.  Art is never finished, it just stops and starts in interesting places.   I'm just going to stay in the moment, and follow what I've forecasted on my schedule.  For now, big ambitious gallery work is taking a break, and I'm focusing on Aftereffects & Final Cut Pro production.  It's becoming evident that I need a marketable skill that can yield dependable cash.  And in this economy, gallery sales is not the most dependable approach.  I'm going to focus more on quick & easy shows that I can do fast...no bigger than 18x24...and aim towards smaller venues like cafes, hair salons, skate shops, etc.  Do it for fun, do it quickly, not so much for a career goal.  Multi-media production will serve as the means to finance my higher visions.  one love.